Couples

In every direction there are two of everything. Salt and Pepper, Milk and Honey, Peas and Carrots. Fuck that.

You can be strong on your own. I am finding this out quickly and I rather fancy it. When I look around to see how people are interacting with one another I think of a pack of wild horses. They run together completely in sync because they are meant to be together. As we are meant to be together....but is it entirely correct for men and women to stay together. I am not suggesting the notion of homosexuality rather the concept of marriage. Perhaps we are meant to interact together on a specific level but not exceeding the level of cohabitation. Would it be more likely that there would be less occurrence in the world up to and including coupling if we spent more time in our own solace instead of together. Most of the relationships I observe are a complete bust. Ill-fitted couples interacting together, cheating, fighting, spending and complaining. Would it not be better to push that bucket of trash out the window and rather spend more time alone or with friends. Rather than the tenacious co mingling of selves we give space and time necessary. Then we avoid the cosmic incidence and coincidence of the fact that I know 99% of the couples(unless newly formed) are terribly disappointed.

Has anyone considered perhaps the concept of marriage is outdated? Maybe we are meant to be alone on our journeys? Who knows really?

And So I Pray

It snowed yesterday. As it always does December 19th.

Tears are streaming down my face and into the keyboard as I listen to Jem and think about how this day went 18 years ago. The day my mother left for heaven. And for damn sure I know that is just where she ended up. I do not think I have ever managed to fully engage with anyone who ever matched up to her perfection. She was the nicest/real person I have ever met.

18 years ago my mother woke at 6am on her vacation to watch the neighbor's son while I was getting ready for school. She was just across the street. I went to school and enjoyed my day. While I was at school my mother, grandmother and great aunt spent the day baking Italian Christmas cookies (to think they are probably together in heaven doing just that right now). I still have a cookie(I froze it and its still intact). When I came home from school my mother was cooking dinner and I had to go to dance class. She did not look right, she felt sick. I knew something was wrong and I did not want to go to dance. So I fought with my father....he made me go. When my father returned from bringing me to dance....my mother was gone. She left and it was only 4 days before Christmas.

My affinity for the holidays has never been strong beyond that day. My emotional element has never been strong beyond that day. Very few people know the look of my tears. The only discussion where I can actually cry is when I talk about this person who only lived in my life for a short period of time but never managed to leave my heart.

So on the day that marks the 18 years I have been without you Mom.....I have not forgotten about you for one second. You are with me all the time. I know you look out for me. I wish that we could have gotten to the day that I could return the favor. When I think about that I just cry more.

At this difficult time in my life I wish I had you around to tell me what to do. But deep inside I have the innate feeling you are already on the task.

I love you mommy and I wish that you were here but take care. 6,570 days and counting of missing you!

We'll Get There

What to do when your friend's man does not like you. When he thinks you are trash, or a cheater/liar?

For starters you don't have to give one good gosh darn what anyone thinks about you. Words are just meant to alter reality. They are not knives or guns they do not actually hurt anything other than your mind. And because we change our minds all the time we can change the way the words effect us. When you tell me that your boy thinks I am a cheat/liar I listen and think about how the words apply to me? Then I think about just how well the person knows me. Are the words powerful? Are the words applicable? Then I take a deeper look and wonder is this person just projecting to cover up for their own inadequacies? Typically its the latter but without altering your mind's eye on this viewpoint you typically miss the mark.

I am a specialist of the "sticks and stones" game. I digest words and projectile vomit them back as I see fit and at just the right moment....when you least expect it. I retain what you tell me and then my mind decides if they are work digesting or just evacuating. Talking shit about someone is just that....shit! Its waste....it does not provide the body anything necessary...so the best thing to do with verbal diarrhea is to let it evacuate itself from your head.

So getting back to this friend who has to deal with the "potty mouth." Its all on you girl....is this what you want from life. Remember friends are ancillary parts of your body and soul. Without them you feel lost. If your loved one is talking smack about your body and your soul.....is that healthy for you?

My suggestion.....line up the ducks.....jump out the window...its always open. As is my door....and some other hot shit chick we know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men are DOGS!

Night Moves

Yes, I am in the process of getting divorced so the blinders are definitely off and the tongue sharper than ever. So please do not sue me for this!!!!

After a delicious meal at 121 we decided to continue the distance and get a few more in the system. After a brief and lackluster visit to 10 we reluctantly decided (ok let's be honest its across the street and convenient) to go to McF's. We swindled our way to a free entry and started in on the G&T (my new drink) and Stoli O/Soda/splash of OJ (how did I do B?). Three deep the critic in me was in full force. And I have to tell you, I may have been in a business suit feeling quite uncomfortable (and why is it this is not the first time I was at McF's in a suit....who knows) but nonetheless it was highly likely that we were the best dressed in the bar. So that does not fare well if you are on the prowl or not (dressed up as we attracts the olds and dressed the rest attracts seat-blockers).

So there we were mindlessly drenched and along comes a gaggle of girls. It was painfully obvious they raided the aisles of the pathetic "charlotte russe" with no regard of the result. There were cheap poly-blend v-necks, tight rayon slacks, pleather boots and much to much eyeliner than required. I wanted to take down some of the ponytails, add blush and darker lipstick colors, remove the shawl-tied scarves (which women wear when uncomfortable with large or small breasts and think that men are without x-ray breast vision which they are not bereft of) and hand out pamphlets on the effects of tanning beds to the texture of skin. There were leather faces in the making and should I mention the fact there were far too many big girls with tank tops on!

So without appearing so critical its a wonder what all of this garbage is meant for. Specifically there was a girl that I observed; it was obvious that she was not comfortable with herself because she was aggressively biting her lip. staring up(a double chin combatant) and while not entirely involved in group conversations struggled to giggle at just the right moments. I wanted to go over and tell her that her beauty was possible if she removed her wrapy, gauzy shawl, took down the messy ponytail, and added lipstick. She looked at me with envy (while I was a bit dodgy that night because of severe lack of sleep....which is starting to get frustrating) and I wanted to show the same regard...but without fear I ask....LOOK!

Look in the mirror before you leave. Are the pants too tight where you have a muffin top, is the top too low where you had to wear a demi-bra when you clearly need a full coverage one? Is the hair a messy ball that a cat would frown upon? Is your makeup so severe that GWAR might consider you for the band? Are you comfortable in that shirt that shows your belly that you keep tugging on? It looks like too much work?

Lastly, is your hair too high? We have a photo of that but out of legal responsibilities we will leave it out.

Ladies, I suggest that going forward we go to the bar in trainers, tee shirts and jeans. Men come to bars on an almost consistent basis looking unkempt, frocked in argyle(which I again witnessed for the second time in a month...it needs to go) and trainers I suppose its better than wranglers, trainers and a faded Mew's tee-shirt (yeah I said it you bastard). Or even the horror of standing next to a guy who dusted the shoulders off his fanciest Adidas hoodie? Perhaps. I really do not care to continue on dressing up for anyone. I mean its a natural process but can be altered!

So would someone join me? Sweats are great for binge drinking anyway (the gaggle was engaging in it nonetheless).

So think about it. If you need my help; crisis management while you shitcan the forever 21 bags, and wear uggs as they were intended(at home they are slippers people)...let me know.

This article was completely and totally not endorsed by http://www.nordstrom.com/ because they have style already.

So This Is Christmas?

I could rant my face off about how bad things have been but those efforts would be severely misappropriated. Is it fair for me to carry on at the expense of others when I am in pain and suffering most agressively? Absolutely not and let me tell you, I am a better person for self-soothing because every time I turn my head someone is going through something much worse that I could manage. I call to the stand the case of the stolen child. A very important friend of mine has been having a seriously unfortunate custody battle over her son. Its been going on for quite some time and while she wants to assault the defense she has to play the game judiciously so here goes.

I am shoveling the hovel of snow that settled on my driveway when my mobile chimed at the ungodly hour. Being a newly adapted night owl I was suprised that anyone would be up this late as I delicately shovel away as to not wake the neigbors. My insomnia works wonders for daunting tasks I may add. Alas it was T calling me for my advice (and I never claimed to be an attorney however suggestively so by most of my circle). She was calling as her son was literally kidnapped by a member of her ex's family and taken out of state; snowy night, 3 hours out of the way....what was the rationale? Law states you must have documented and notarized permission from BOTH involved parents to remove a minor from state. So T being a heavily involved parent was IRATE at the notion that someone would idly remove her child from the state without her permission in a crazy snowstorm.

So she asked me what she should do. Her family was not willing to get involved. Now in my permission and experiences with kidnapping and abuse I suggested the best way to handle it without legal implications, trespassing etc I suggested(after giving her the mapquest directions to the address of course for backup) she contact authorities and go from there.

Lil Wayne has this song that calls to mind "comfortable," and it discusses not getting too comfortable. I cannot remember the last time I felt comfortable at all. Every morning when I rise I feel angry, tense and disappointed, but that is just my internal disdain. I may paint a pretty picture because otherwise no one would tolerate my "american splendor" disposition. Like a clown with makeup; so here is a girl trying to get her life in order and someone steals her son from her and refuses to bring him back. I was ready to gas up the trailblazer and hit the highway. Really people.....is there no more comfort zone?

And might I make an additional statement....its fucking Christmas.........can we get a fucking break here?

Is The Coyote Really Ugly?

There is absolutely no reason to check your unadulterated decision making behaviors. Naturally when you make the move to pursue any intimate situation you always initially question your motive. What was it that made you delve into permissions to anyone being in your life, your head, heart etc. Women always over think their options when deciding whether or not to allow a particular person into their world. Its not always the easiest choice to give out one's phone number rather the combination to one's internal safe. So for a woman to make the executive decision to let a man into her life she really has to be determined that the choice that she has elected is finite and the resultant blend to be static; fingers crossed. This has always been the traditional methodology; however in modern society women have evolved considerably and the new catechism is to testing the waters first before committing oneself. Brass tax can call it "sleeping around" or a moderate level of "promiscuity" however I prefer the term experiment.

A particular woman and man may look like a suitable couple through a certain pair of rose colored sunglasses however its only natural that most have issues in one annal of the relationship or another. The largest issue that resonates in most conversations overheard throughout the ravages of time and maturity are those of a sexual manner. Women constantly complaining about the condition of the sexual behaviors between men and women. Most women complain incessantly that the men in their lives are not satisfying them in the way that they require hence they feel a void. Typically because women get into the emotional crux of a relationship leaving the impending sexual necessities to chance. Therefore when it comes right down to it; the chances are that the intercourse between the two parties may be vacant or less than satisfactory. Once the cat is out of the bag per se there is very little that can be done to correct the mess that is made. You can try and waste your time to correct the idiosyncratic behaviors alas it is a road that one travels less due to its innate risk of self destruction.

What the modern woman has been tampering with nowadays is a breakthrough new experience which happens to work wonders escalating the satisfaction between men and women which is more pre-sexual than anything. After a few interactions between men and women you can escalate the situation to where a man and a women can be fully intimate without running the risk of committing to any relationship until the sexual experience has been fully worked out. The long and the short of it; women are having sex with men after two to three dates to determine if the sexual chemistry is present and if the interaction becomes satisfactory and climactic. If the situation proves itself to be a success the relationship develops. They continue on their path to joint fulfilling prophecy and she works incessantly to make sure she has locked out her competition. He becomes addicted to the convenience and the whole entire situation seems to work itself out. On the flipside if the situation fails to result in her favor they at least tried and they can each unabashedly run their separate ways.

As I see it from the testers that have provided me background on this experience it helps to filter out what is generally wrong with most men and what is right. Let's face it at this stage in the game bedroom activity is critical to sticky happiness. So the question remains; is the coyote really ugly????? In this case NO! And you can see for yourself.

The Wrinkles In My Forehead

Yes,

I am angry all the time. I find little joy and its typically because the world never takes the physical time or labor to see things through my eyes. The perfectly acceptable scenario presents itself on an almost regular basis and here I am without the gumption to do anything about it avoid the direct questions to facilitate the directional to get exactly what I want. So I sit and over-analyse what I could have done to broach the subject of actually getting out there and doing what I want to do which is spend time with particulars.

So I send an open-ended text just as any smart gal would; make the offer......and I wait..."I know you have 50k invites but if you would like one more perhaps WE can go out....." and I wait.

Now assuming that they will take one look at my message and cringe.......is it possible that they might reply immediately with a "no?" Or will they take one look at it and say to themselves; hm mm perhaps this is a great idea..........or not. The exact text receipt went as such; "I would but I already promised my friend I would go to his cookout and watch the game afterward but I will keep you posted." Groan and grunt at the sight of it.....as it was not at all what I felt would be an option in my favor. Not at all. So basically I am at a loss as most smart gals would be.....how do you respond to a taste of dejection? Its foreign stench wafting in a cloud overhead, not sure just how I can cope with this new found rejection I nod my head in acceptance as this is not what I had in mind but let's be honest I really wanted to spend time with this person more so that anyone else so its a blunder. The whole collusion of the situation raises some validity that is almost immediately to be reviewed. Getting into my brain and how I can reply.

See the whole entire day was a scheme developed to see if this particular group would take the bait of plans. Knowing fair well that this group already had premeditated plans I pressed on in theory that I would be able to manipulate the changes to make everything work in my favor. To no avail. There is a game on; it starts at 8:05pm and the night is shot. Therefore I will go get soaked with Kat. Good ole' Kat my favorite drunk! Merlot and too many cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you on the dark side. LaCoolKid signing out.

What You Are Doing Is So Shitty To Me

Questions and questions about the construction and deconstruction of relationships up to and including the deeper understanding of men just makes the whole relationship environment a complete collusion. What a sentence. Its definitely a run-on but nonetheless full of explanation.





"My brain and my bones don't want to take this anymore!" A true frustration explanation spoken by the ever-so-inspirational Kate Nash. Its true. Women near and far are frustrated at the way the modern man behaves. And as a result feel that nothing can explain the way that they feel other than the moniker of the title article. The modern women has many choices nowadays and those choices inflict the ability for us to mortally expose our self to a litany of bad decisions. We are able to pursue a man; and we all know this is the case. Long gone are days of waiting by the telephone for a call of Friday or Saturday night inquisition towards a potential date. We make the call because men know right well that its not necessary to be aggressive. A woman can rush home from a long and exhausting day at work to bake a pie or whip up a gourmet dinner all to be shunned by an impending baseball or basketball match. 10-10:30 at the latest is the most distasteful reaction a woman can receive from a male via text message. How does one reply to such a stab? Initially I would assume a typical woman would seer the initial sting of the typeset however cave at the opportunity no matter what time of night just to avoid the strain of loneliness. All-in-all this would not surprise me; as I too at one weak and lowly point in my life would express. A reformed depression-baby I react in a manner that not only puts a sharp jab in any reader's inbox but most likely prevents future encounter. I reply in the manner that I deem maintains my dignity; let's not then. Its open-ended as the male on the other end breathes a sigh of relief. Most likely the tardy acceptance of an invitation would be acceptable to any woman but not I. And here comes the lesson;





The initial knee-jerk reaction would be for a woman to be accepting as I expressed before. No one wants to be alone at night and I fully comprehend. However, what is the desire to stay up later than you want to, being a stepping-stone to one's convenience is never advised. There is nothing sweet about any male coming to your bedside spelling of stale Smithwick's and overall bar atmosphere. Gag! Any girl at the sheer thought of such a behavior would rather go it alone to sleepy town smelling of lemon musk and tide freshly washed sheets. Take a pass. When he arrives at your door with a dull sweatshirt, despondent trousers and sports socks; there is nothing sweet about it. Its downright repulsive. And on that note I need another glass of Merlot to wash down the vomit that reared its ugly head when I typed that last line.

Gag!!! Gulp!!! Better. Night Night Ladies!

Not So Merry

So yes, its been quite some time since I have visited my site. I have been terribly busy with school and work and a neglectful friend at the very least. All of these stops on my road have yielded no positive returns however. I rue the decision to continue on full-time at school and it seems to me like time is moving a lightning speed and I feel so mildly accomplished. Its poignantly clear that there are many flaws in my spectrum; however unfortunate that I manage to reveal them on an almost consistent basis. I really wonder why it is that I am perpetually dissatsified with myself and my performance in my position in life. Its not that I am belaboring any moot point because typically I am a forger making my way through basically anything however lately I can barely manage to make my way from the bed each day with little more than a minute to spare before I hurdle my way out the door to an almost depressing exhistance that the psuedo "ivory tower" where overpaid over-zealous assistants torture me and relent about the service, and produce little. I am at a constant beckon to which I am always prevailing at to no paramount. I feel very dissastified with basically everything in my life at this point in time and I believe strongly that I need a seriously life-changing event to occur otherwise I will leave this country and never come back. Now that I have my new villa in escrow.

Encountering Flowers

A hot fuzz always looms overhead whenever I witness someone other than I receiving flowers. Bizarrely enough its not because I fancy a bouquet for myself; mainly due to my total lack of green thumb-ness. Place a plant in my office, pathway, same road in which I am traveling on and its a certain guarantee to the likelihood that I will murder it. Flowers are definitely the ultimate display of affection most ardently if its neither expected nor insisted upon. If its a birthday its commonplace however it its for no apparent reason and a nosegay or two should happen itself onto your workspace then its the most pleasing of its kind.

Today as it were I was not the receiver of flowers rather a lovely gal who assisted me in the swimwear department at Nordstrom. Yes, I know its hard to surmise that I would be wondering about in NS however I DID need the LaBlanca Summer 2009 tankini...it was calling to me!!!!! "Cool Kid....buy me! DO IT!" And I never like to let anyone down. Its olive and cream abstract print will coordinate most respectively with the unavoidable tan I intend on acquiring via a mini-break to Florida. Wow, I digress. None the more I was face to face with Soriah who was dancing on the ceiling over her arrangement delivered, so being a inquiring sod I asked questions and Soriah had answers; thirty minutes worth.

Soriah had just ended a three year stint with her previous, "man," and yes she dared to call him a man which is amazing to me because in the sea that I swim in they appear to be very little boys. So here I was sitting in the cloakroom with Soriah discussing her relationship. (She did give me gratis to discuss this and to use her name). So there we were and she was telling me the rudimentary way in which this previous acquaintance pursued her, captured her heart and then took it fishing in a sea of swill and left it to dry and crust over. So now she heart hardened was a bit cynical. She went out with a few pals for a night of libation where she met a charming gentle "boy" and he bought her a drink. She felt that he was clearly not his type, being a far cry more attractive than he and albeit successful. One drink later and he was asking for her telephone number which she resisted divulging. So he suggested rather than a date that they sit and grab dinner almost immediately that night. They joined one another for a bite of sushi and she was able to get to know him. Rather unconventional but definitely a wise decision on her behalf as there were no distractions and they really took the time to get to know one another without the watchful eye of friends in tow. Two weeks later they were walking hand in hand in and out of the finest restaurants in New England. Nervous that things were moving too fast and that she had not given herself enough breathing room she stepped back and stopped returning his calls.

It had been about a week since they had formally spoken; as the relationship relented to texts only. She gave herself time to think things over and gasp for air. When the week was over she still had not formally had a discussion with him and figured that they were short-lived. The exact two week mark quickly arrived and she was enraged. Yes, it was she who took some time apart but didn't he question the distance? Didn't he miss her? Were there other women? "Wow," she thought! And just as she was about to delete his phone number and email address entirely from her life she received a delivery.................flowers. The most amazing arrangements of lilies; fragrant and bursting with life. The card read, "not one more day can go on without you, call me beautiful! I miss you!" -Antonio. And this immediately made my heart melt from stone to pudding. She started to cry at which time I reached in my fancy bag for a handkerchief. I offered it to her; puzzled by my traditional cloth she blotted her eyes and hugged me. I know I bring out the hug in everyone while I detest it so. Once her eyes dried from the moist tears she came to with all seriousness and said, "should I call him?" My knee-jerk reaction was to ask if he were a hottie but she was staring at me daggers pointed and really needed my advice.

I ran through the questions most agressively to help her decide just what she needed to ask herself.

1) Do you fancy him? Yes

2) Can you live without him? No

3) Do you get all giggy inward when he sends you a message or calls you? Yes

4) Are you sad that so much time has passed since you've last seen him? Severely

5) Do you miss his kisses? Uhhh YES!

So naturally she answers the questions as if she would walk to the altar with him! I did what any right minded gal pal would do and told her to dial. I was her bonafide lookout while she called him from a tiny fitting room in the swimwear nook of Nordstrom. Once she made the call tears came bursting from her eyes....VOICEMAIL!

Naturally I was not suprised, any man who has waited a prolonged amount of time since he's last spoken to his love interest clearly wants her to leave a delicate voicemail so that he knows how she would react to the flowers and if she really wanted to speak to him or if she was angered. Of course she disconnected the phone before he finished speaking his message. She was fully disappointed as the frustration of build up had fully ensued. What was she going to do, how would she cope with the moments of uncertainty that prevailed............BRRRINNGG!!!!!!!! Vibrate. Vibrate..........."Oh my GOD its ANTONIO!!!!!!!!" she screamed. So I told her to pickup. And what does this dumb bitch do, "HA! If that mutha sucka thinks I am talking to him now that he made me wait so long he is mistaken. MIS-TAKE-N!"

And she marched out of the fitting room to her cash wrap desk and dumped the gorgeous arrangements in the trash. "BUMP HIM!"

It was at that time I no longer envied Soriah. It was at that time where I no longer desired flowers of my own. Rather I paid for my tankini, ran the hell out of Nordstrom and made a mad dash for the car where I quickly lit a capri. It was like a gut-wrenching roller-coaster feeling I never wanted to experience ever again. How could she. How could he. How could most; deal with the frustrations of dating games. This makes me utterly thankful for my digression from all the romance, the dance, the whole lot of it. Daters take note. Whatever happens in these situations; communication is key and no matter what honesty is without question the best policy.

No flowers. No bullshit, and you always get what you want.

Women ARE Stronger Then Men.

While we let the belief that women were the weaker sex for some time the methodology has been obliterated it and is categorically been proven that women are stronger then men. Its absolutely nothing to do with the physical nature of the experiment because clearly of the physical sense were to additionally procure this belief we would have a shitload of American Gladiator-esque women tromping about; and I don't know about you but this makes be a bit insecure and uneasy. Nonetheless today was a testament to how women are definitely stronger in many ways.

I witnessed three girls today toil in the potential date-planning process. They had the plans laid out from the schedule of self-mani/pedi to the brocades of wardrobe they would adorn themselves in. Hair styles were discussed, make-up strength was also a topic for conversation. It was also decided that no bite of nourishment other than the occasional noshing of veg tables (the non-bloating variety) and utmost hydration would ensue. It was to be the perfect night and it would include.......bowling. GASP! Bowling, the absolute anti-Christ of sanitary conditions, both feet and fingers. The discussion of what who's shoe size would be to the deep pondering of whether or not the previous participant whose ball you would use would have washed after a trip to the loo......fecal particles in the eye people......"pink-eye???" Anyone?? No??

Anyway the best laid plans were in the works. All we would need would be the dates.....

Girl #1; limited bullshit tolerance. Spoke to date earlier in the day while driving to the beach were he told her that if his hangover were to subside he would meet here there.....does not own a cell phone so would rely on fate to bring his destination clear however he never showed. Later in the afternoon left a vague message not referring to the date or apologizing for the apparent absence. Girl #1 was ready to cancel the date.


Girl #2; easy-going. Did not speak to date all day. Not concerned not going to send a message or call because she is so cool that she knows he will definitely not break plans. She is a bit mature for him and thus holds the intimidating card stack. This will work in her favor if her deck is stacked properly.

Girl #3; super-girl. This girl is the type of girl that gives the men the benefit of the doubt. She makes a hoard of excuses for her guy and would never question his behavior because she does not see the need in it. She too is more mature however brings herself down to the level playing field which makes her vulnerable.



So all three girls make plans to go to bowling. #1 after receiving the message starts to doubt the possibility of the date happening. She wonders if she really even wants to participate with him because he does not see her needs before his own and he made her look bad in front of her girls. #2 still does not worry. #3 could also worry less because she can rely on her magic to make all predictions and it predicted YES. Once all three girls head home from the beach the all take on specific tasks; #1 takes a nap, #2 does the whole spa activity and #3 cleans her entire house and does the laundry. #3 also gets on the scale refusing to eat dinner after her findings. #3 also starts to get concerned because she has not heard from her date. This is unlike him. He is generally reliable and she knows very well she cannot call him because she sent him a text earlier in the day so she calls #2. #2 has not heard from her date but reports that #1's date has showed up at her house already and they are ready to add a precursor dinner to the list of the nightly activities. #3 is stunned but still hopeful. She keeps up the good work and waits patiently for her magical date to rear his head from whichever golf course or television set he might be looming around. She has a missed call as she runs the vacuum....#2 is calling. She gets a call from her date who is also game for dinner and some ball tossing.....all is happy a gleeful for #1 and #2.

#3 left alone. No contact to up to the minute................and what does she think?????

Last time I checked in with her......she couldn't care less. This is why women are stronger then men. They have the ability not to care when they want to care and the ability to dodge a lousy romp at the divey bowling alley. As real girls don't play with big balls. Instead they play with a smaller variety.....#3 cannot wait to kick her vacant date in his!


As a side note when asked to join the trio I politely declined in order to publish this blog. I suck at bowling anyway.....yuck!

Wocka Wocka!

Isn't it bizarre that today I had to spend the entire duration of my day with my fellow managers and boss and yet I haven't a single rope burn 'round my neck from the valid attempts to hang myself? Perhaps its all the vasoline I have applied to the surface so that I could have an open casket? Ok JOKE! So naturally this day went as well as an 80 year old man on the loo sans his morning prune juice and bran muffin. I feel like shit. Natalie Dee hook me up!

I really need a new vocation. The economy is a bust.

Big Blah!

I really hate work! Its not me at all and every day I struggle more and more to deal with the terrible market and the overall dungeoness feeling of actually being there. Is it the fucking weekend yet?

Wow....I have been busy

As it appears when you are busy enjoying the great outdoors time on the blog is lost. Hiatus apologies. I will be back soon..........................................

Urban Legend.

I am all about the Urban. I live it, love it, breathe it, and depending how the wind blows me I even taste it. Naturally my penchant for Urban is simply stated as different. Yes, they have a shoddy mix of graphic tees (which for my friend B I can half-heartedly agree with you that they should go) however its the other clothes; the fancy emblazoned parachute tops, shift dresses and hand-crocheted tops that I go for. There is one particular brand that Urban carries and if you get a chance to get your hands on it (because the minute it hits the rack its gone). I receive the catalogue faithfully and when I do I immediately head towards Thayer and attempt(because I believe there are other girls who might happen upon it faster than I) to get my hands on the coveted articles. About one month ago I managed to grab a pleated camel colored top and a midnight blue crochet strapped tank; both by Kimchee and Blue (the brand I was referring to). When I walked to the register after contemplating whether or not I needed both (and I did because when I looked at the price I felt it was well worth it $39.99 each) the cashier sighed stating, "There she goes...the best tank ever and the last one in stock!" I love this store and yes again the graphic tees aside you can rock the high fashion at the right price. Not just an "Urban" legend anymore, eh.

Tory Burch?

She is not exactly the most iconoclastic ideal for a winner of the CFDA accessory award but they gave it to her! Could it be that her style and resort collections are the epitome of high fashion at a whopping $125 for a pair of ballerina flats donning the imagery of her logo at a 1/3 lb its weight in metals? HELL NO! Is this board out of its mind? Were we running out of ideas this year?

Alas, let's give it up for the heiress turned fashion designer Tory Burch! Yay for terrible fashion and a complete lack of originality.

Additionally I suggest that the CFDA give out an award for the best dressed male designer; my clear cut choice would definitely be His Royal Highness; TOM FORD! Hottest gay man ever!

A Star Has Fallen Yves St. Laurent

Its to no suprise that my heart goes out to a man who is has and will always been an inspiration to my daily life.

Interview with Susy Menkes

So after all the false reports over the years of Saint Laurent’s passing, it’s finally true.
Yes, the rumor had been going around Paris and I sort of knew it was imminent. But when Pierre Bergé went to Canada last week, I thought it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. But there you are. He’s certainly going to be missed.
It’s a testament to his genius that many of the ideas that he sewed in his youth have been so co-opted by the mainstream that they have become it.
I think it’s so hard for anybody to understand now how revolutionary his ideas were. The idea of wearing pants to the office! And the stories are legion. Nan Kempner wore one of the first Saint Laurent trouser suits to one of those fancy Madison Avenue restaurants and was denied access. She famously took off her pants and walked in wearing only the jacket. And it was that kind of revolution that was echoed in fashion and in life.
It’s easy to forget that the concepts of ready-to-wear clothing and men’s wear were practically unheard of before him — as were licensing deals and “out” gay designers.
Absolutely. The fact that the French have been celebrating this past month the May 1968 riots is sort of brought home by thinking of Saint Laurent in that era. I was very young and even though I wasn’t actually demonstrating, I just felt that Saint Laurent was so in tune with what I and my generation wanted to wear and do. It was that sense of freedom — breaking through the barriers of convention, of class, of all sorts of things. And the clothes just went with it.
A lot of people, especially those who were introduced to him as an aging designer, forget that in his prime he was so adept at reading the Zeitgeist. For over four decades he embraced and referenced everything from Beat culture to drag culture, street fashion to menopausal chic — often to be met with opprobrium from the public and fashion industry alike.
What seems strange about Saint Laurent is that I don’t think he referenced what was going on in the same was as, say, Marc Jacobs references things today. It was something that was inside of him, inside his well-spring of creativity. He famously did a Porgy and Bess collection never having been to America, let alone to the South. And when he did that Russian collection — the one that was so amazing to me, the one that was full of Russian color taken to a luxury level — he had never been to Russia.
I have special memories of that collection because I was standing there, as everybody was, with my hands over my head clapping as these incredible clothes came down. It was hippy deluxe to the nth degree — the colors, the fabrics and the decorations. And, at the end of it all, beside me was a quite elderly woman with gray-rinsed hair. She turned and said in a bewildered way to the world, “No blazers! No blazers from Yves Saint Laurent!”
And that was the measure of the guy. You know, he could completely overturn his own inclinations and still be completely spot-on with what was going on in the world.

Where To Spend The Money

From time to time I pay homage to a designer that just so happens to kill it. Patricia Field (while I was not a huge fan of the Sex and The City movie) rocked it hard costume designing for the movie and I have a hunch of Oscar on the cusp. Essentially she managed to push product in the most seductive way highlighting every designer on the planet and when you throw a Vivienne Westwood organza wedding dress in the mix I can only sigh deeply and think to myself that this is poetic justice for fashion!

I think everyone should take a finger stroll to patriciafield.com to get an organic feel for what she does. This is a woman that has been around the town since 1966 designing and not giving a solid shit what the fashion world thinks! She still chain smokes from the heart of the Bowery in her flagship store. I highly recommend the gold Barbie bowler tote; I just ordered it.....my Amex is still warm. I cannot wait for the big brown truck to pull up! Sigh!

What is there left to look forward to when this woman has managed to blow it all up creating a lifestyle of inspiration for women who want to feel unadulterated about style and uninhibited about rocking it out. Thanks Patricia!

Sex....Not In My City! Wait For It!

Naturally, I spent my hard earned money on a ticket to see the Sex In The City film that just came out. Fashionistas around the world united in a pool of parfum and suburban couture to get a bird's eye view of our favorite foursome. Well to be honest the hype was cultish and I craved the arrival for weeks. I counted down the days and arrived to the theater almost an hour prior as to not miss the option for the best seats in the house. My anticipation was paramount.....and....I was tragically disappointed by the result. This film should come with a disclaimer; if you have recently been hurt by, cheated on, or effed over in any way by a man......DO NOT WATCH THIS!

Wait for the film to come out with a packet of tissues by your side and a glass of Grey Goose neat. I was so devastated by so much of the diologue that I felt tears burn in the corners of my eyes. While it was not just the plot of the film that caused me to feel vulnerable it was also the opulent selections of couture...including an Alexander McQueen runway show which was tremendous.

All in all the girls looked a little tired, the sex is lacking (with the exception of Dante the Cali neighbor who we even catch a wicked glimpse of his package), and Smith lost his edge. Drat! Alas, I will most likely see the movie as a rental however the chances of attending another screening will most likely not occur again until I am drunk or iron clad.

As the saying goes(from the movie of course) "That is the funny thing about needs. Sometimes you have them met and then you don't want them anymore!"

As for the film, I don't have a need to see this again. :(

Why Its Unfortunate

Two days past I suffered from the world's worst dental visit. I single handedly felt as if my mouth was being raped. As a result of the scraping, the prodding, the sucking of the particles my poor innocent mouth has been agonizing. And I really need to stop being such a baby about it because then comes my father.

My father is a product of bad dental hygiene as a child. Now that he is in his wonder years he wants to change the world therefore he has been making steps towards that. None of them appear to be an easy feat as he too went to the dentist for a bone graft which now has made him so insanely ill as of late yesterday he cannot eat, sleep etc.

In the midst of an event I was forced to leave to tend to his needs and this poor man is a trooper after every thing that he has been through in his life. Seriously, he was so sick. The implant which is close to the nerve has made him nauseated, his head is pounding and whenever he experiences stress naturally the blood sugar rises. There is really nothing that I can do then be a visitor; which was a little weird considering that last night I was a little drunk from a birthday party nonetheless I believe he hardly noticed!

Why this poor man is constantly forced to endure pain is beyond me? Its just so unfortunate!

Rock This Party!

Do I really need to go into detail about last night? Perhaps it was any one's guess as to whether or not the girls and I felt the time spent in Boston was deemed excitable. The answer to your question is absolutely!

We spent the night listening to the soothing sounds of Armin VanBuuren's masquerading of BPM coursing through our veins. We felt the effects of Grey Goose bubbling inside.....we met a few new friends of whom managed to capture our attention and from there the setting was laid, the mood created and YES we definitely had "a blast."

Butterflies

Check out last year's pic! I was platinum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Its been awhile since I have actually felt the flutter in my tummy for a night out. I am really excited to tear up the town and yes, the Ladies are heading to Boston!!!!!!!!!!! Estate here we come. A chance encounter with that new Nanette Lepore tank I splurged on this week.....holla!





Naturally D, Em and I will have a great time, great beats as we embark on our thrice year in Beantown chillin with the orgasmic soundings of noneother than Armin VanBuuren. Yes, once again they open The Netherlands floodgates so that we can be immersed in the talents of BPM, sweaty dancing and Candy Apples....not too many for you D! Hopefully we can find Sexy Lu on the bar....after the crash of the Avalon we have been a little torn about trading up to the Estate but knowing that our ears should not be deprived of the magical bliss of the turntables that be we cash in our tickets at the door and enjoy the table service!





Its Mem Day Weak-End! What else would we be doing tonight? Hanging in Providence with the ugly boys......not us!





Tomorrow, if we survive the night...its Aly's soiree and Manhattan brunch Turkish style on Sunday with Sher. Lookout New England! Let's see what trouble LACoolKid can get herself into???

Communication Systems

Today I was forced to admit my ignorance. It was the most enduring experience of my life. I am a better person for doing as such!

Blogsploitation!

Recently I had felt a little down and out about my writing. Perhaps its because I was plagued with many circumstances that segregated myself from the duplicity of humanity and creativity. Alas, I feel reinvigorated and capable of expressing my true experiences.

Today was definitely a wild experience to which I can only say that I happened upon as a result of a non-sensical walk through Providence on yet another beautiful day. My typical break time (where applicable) consists of a walk from my office to the end of South Water. Today I decided to make my stroll a bit more challenging and hike upwards to Benefit. Now mind you my recent aerobic activity has been extensive...mat pilates 5 days a week, bosu and then the gym. I assumed nothing particular was looking different other than the casual number dropping scale. However today I was praised by the oddest of situations. Daily I have noticed a bike riding male along my travels but feeling that he was in his own world not noticing me would be the typical resultant blend. As I walked down the riverwalk "the bike guy" was resting aside watching the glorious ebb and flow of the river. I passed him unassuming and kept my aggressive walk going. For a distance as I made my way up Benefit I heard what sounded to me like a whistle and some clicking noises. Having my POD on I thought it was just the wind in between my ears and the headphones...but I was incorrect. I turned onto College hill to make my descent and as I did I heard.....PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!!!! As I stopped and looked behind it was "the bike guy!" I stopped almost out of breath and he jumped off the bike. I surmised he stopped me because I had gum on my trousers or a bird dropping and all other nonsensical ideas of that nature and again "me wrong!"

He asked me to stop for other reasons. He notified me in the most compelling way to tell me that he sees me walk daily and that I was "positively the most beautiful girl he had ever seen!" I was aghast as this was something I was impressed to hear thinking of all the hard work I apply just being me and here I was beet red and moist with sweat. He declared, "for the past week I have seen you twice walking and I make my way here today in the hopes that I can get to know you better because you have an amazing disposition and I know that you are someone that NEED to get to know better!"

I was floored. Standing on College hill in a business suit (yah I don't change so don't visit me in the afternoon, ok) with my sneaks on POD in tow etc and this guy is telling me the most flattering things.....and I was not having the most inspirational day. As I observed him closer I noticed he was very handsome. So, I asked him what he does in the city every day on his bike. He told me he is an attorney and he bikes to and fro on his lunch. He...works in MY BUILDING! Where was this guy every other day? I knew the bike looked familiar! Its chained up next to the building every morning(this is what I notice people....boring me eh?). So he followed me up hills and down and then walked me back to my office. "The bike guy" has a name...its Brett...how cliche...and attorney named Brett. So obviously he knows where I work now.....and as a result I had to break the bad news that I was "emotionally unavailable" because that statement seems to fly around like pollen nowadays but as new friend would see him around. So perhaps in a chance encounter in the elevator.....hahahaha just kidding!

Later on in the day I was a little full of myself and when I went to pilates I expected my ego to deflate just a bit (seeing as I tend to be a little off in that realm lately as well). Ana was as brutal as always. Naturally she made me attempt several insane feats that I usually fail miserably at unlike other days however I mastered. Oh yes for those of you who know....I mastered the Arabesque! Check it out above! I rock. The ego is reinflated with the hopes that tomorrow I will not be in tractionable pain!

Aww Suki Suki

I know its not the best photo but does it really matter????? Today commences the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where might I be walking off to on my lunch today???? Hmmmmmm?????????????????? You know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All The Way Home

Invariably I assumed that the day was going to be as drab as any other Tuesday.....however it turned out to be rather exciting and now I really cannot wait to cause some mischief this weekend. You see, it all started at 7:15 this morning when I received word that the Bosstones are playing McCoy and that is just about one of my largest weaknesses and Radio Mike has the hookup. So there I was yawning to death in BNI where the fabulously refreshing text message informed me of their intended arrival. The text pretty much set the tone for the day. I was rather excited to continue my day and go about it aggressively when I reached the office. Having a bit of fun to look forward to in the not-so-distant future was rather teasing. As I arrived in the office and checked my messages to find out one of my clients from the old stomping ground settled his family estate and I basically hit pay dirt. From there he came in to open so many accounts that I was thoroughly exhausted after his departure. I needed a walk and it was a very beautiful afternoon so I decided to take a stroll. WOW! It was terribly windy and let's basically put it this way......I looked like a bail of hay when I returned back to the office. Alas, I needed the walk and when I returned to my office I had another surprising vm.....Bee. I never expected a call from him and he is coming to town...and am having mixed emotions about seeing him........that made me weird. He is great but has this way of sucking me back in to his web of emotions and I need to take time to redevelop my strength.....a man repellent is what I need.

So flash forward to this afternoon when I had to drive to Barrington to meet a client. On my way there I saw what looked like a fire in the distance. As I continued down the trail I discovered lots of fire.....on both sides of the street I was driving down. I hate fire, it freaks me out....so naturally driving down the road where there is brush on fire on both sides of the street was really scary; like the movies. When I arrived to my destination I realized I broke a sweat, had shaky hands and was pale. I knew I feared the flame but could I possibly have a condition? I thought it might be rather amusing to have a phobia until I realized that with a terribly unoriginal sounding "arsonphobia" was not something I could commit to and therefore I will talk myself out of this fear....but the brush was raging on-fire. I did drive past the scene of the crime on the way home and it was a bunch of burned bushes (no Moses jokes please)....sad.

When I arrived back to the old landmarks I hit up the gym where I was encountered by a girl with several hula hoops and thought to myself that I really need to start reading books during my workouts because watching this nutter swing hula hoops around her neck was not compelling.

When I arrived home my tickets came by post; YAY for ARMIN AT ESTATE! I really cannot wait until Friday night. I really cannot wait! Have I mentioned I really cannot wait?

All the way home to my bed where I now lay snuggled in my bunk...with eyes wide open....today was a weird day...all the way home!

Can You Believe The Nerve???

If you see this girl (on the left in the picture..I'm old enough)Thursday...wish her a Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you believe the nerve of this girl? Did she honestly think that we would bypass her birthday? Naturally she tried to escape the notion of it being overlooked however I made the realization that its Thursday and I am changing my weekend plans!!!! Yes, for you my love I am segmenting my weekend so that we can rendevous RILady style in Providence. 31 HUGE!

Naturally the actual DOB is Thursday and you are working however I am letting the free world know how critical it is to make an appearence Thursday night at Mullhearn's in EP! I got your back!

Saturday night on the other hand is for us! We will make the most amazing plans to celebrate your 31 amazing existing years of life. So you thought it would just slip you by???? LOL girl...you are so busted!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Yucky Monday

I really have an affinity for Sundays therefore Monday is just a tragic drag. Last night I stayed awake studying until 3am and my brain is aching, my stomach is sour and here I am at 6:46 in the morning thinking about nothing but the bitter hatred I have towards walking into that building today for another day of work. Its not that I despise the actual nature of the experiment rather the theatrics behind the proverbial butt kissing that goes along with it. I can only imagine the look on my face when people have taken the time to talk to me or introduce themselves (because everybody is somebody) because I assume its a bit of a cringe really.

Last night I spent some time coaching a friend of the telephone about her man drama. Man drama is just the most scintillating of conversations lately. I once thought that I had it figured out rather quite the opposite. Therefore my advice to my friend was; ignore, ignore, ignore.....and what does she insist on doing.....the complete opposite. Emails, text messages, voice mails.....this chick runs the gamut for this dude who never seems to give the response she is looking for. Referring to someone as "epic" is the most non-sensible description for someone....unless we are talking about a so-called "epic love affair" nonetheless I seriously doubt that was his angle. Naturally when we were originally introduced I threatened him with my reckoning if he did not treat my dear friend with the respect and integrity that she deserved however now I have no idea how to sink my venomous claws into him and kill him seeing as I have no idea where he lives. So I suppose I can state that if this supposed "puss " (and now I just really gave it away...please don't be pissed that I talked about it) happens upon my blog that he better watch his back.

This friend in question happens to be the most convivial woman of so many God given natural talents I have ever experienced. For my lifetime she has been; a musical inspiration, a wordsmith, capable of deadly assault with adorable stuffed animals, maintaining extremely envious legs, drives like a NASCAR qualifier, and is always correcting my grammar. I love this friend to pieces. Why a man seeks the ability to shred this dignified individual down to swill is un-identifiable.

My advice is and remains; IGNORE. Time heals all wounds....and when the new guy comes along he will be practically perfect in every way. Able to communicate, and able to show you the love and compassion that the puss could never provide. Additionally in the meantime spend your days and years hitting up the gym as its a great stress reliever and definitely download the new Bitter;Sweet album....its the perfect antidote to a broken heart on the mend.....I believe my favorite song is "Sugar Momma." You should definitely check it out.

Earworms Of The World

Its rare that I will desire to hear a song over and over again! I typically change genres of interest frequently. I find myself having a difficult time even following through listening to a song in its entirety. If you have ever had the pleasure to sit aside me in the car you would note the almost ADD personality of my musical ways. Today however is an exception. Perhaps I will amuse you in-fact because the song that I have lodged in my brain is a Michael Jackson song. For people who know me well this too is not uncommon. As a child my mother emmersed me in the tidings of the Jacksons as well as other dancey tunes. Now that its come upon the 25 year anniversary of Thriller Michael Jackson has released a compilation that I think will become a cult hit as very little press has monitored the progress of its release. I will assure you this album has been out since February however no one seems to know about it. Its fantastic and the digital remastery is amazing. Trust me when I tell you that the reincarnation of "Wanna Be Startin' Somthin'" which is my favorite Jackson tune featuring Akon is worth a listen. While I-Tunes users gave it a mixed review and its not always a likely track on my Pod next to Cut Copy and The New Young Pony Club its down there and it will forever immortalize my Pod!!! Download it for a good time.

I suppose

I suppose it makes me an utterly daft prick that I have decided to help host this birthday party. I really do not have much of a handle on cooking anymore as I pretty much lived with a chef for the past five years and to my point....I really do not enjoy it. Its not that I am a shoddy cook rather I just do not prefer it. Naturally when asked I was reluctant to oblidge however here I am; steak, eggplant and other dieties later...........cooking for 20.

Crap!

OMG

So it's been like freshman hell week all over again. This week and mind you its only Tuesday SUCKS! Its like a root canal without Novocaine, a martini without the olives, a plane ride sitting next to a smelly guy and the meal is fish.

I walked into work yesterday and ever since then I feel compressed. I have a particular person that works for me that hates me so much and for the most ludicrous reasons. She finds every fault with me even though I have managed to bring her with me to the new office, promote her twice within the last six months and basically let her get away with bloody hell. Naturally one would think that a good deed would be handsomely rewarded alas I have not reaped the benefits of this notion. Every morning and this one included I grind my teeth as I approach the building and only want to rip the hair out of my head to understand just what it is.....oh right now I remember.

Basically this person managed to come with me from my previous office, get a promotion on my behalf and then one month into the position decides to move to NH leaving me in a catastrophic bind. Naturally, when you decide to leave a position you would give a proper two weeks notice however at this company you must give a month. I would be willing to waive the month if HR approved. I was a little jilted when the whole situation arose nevertheless I am a terribly understanding person and did not want to deal with the backlash of preventing someone from reaching their life goals....apparently moving to NH is one of them.

So after conferring with HR they notified me she must stay the month and that is when all hell broke loose. This insolent individual started screaming and swearing at me.....using a repeated eff word and telling me that she could care less what I thought about it. I had to literally spend an hour calming this girl down even though she was a total Leviathan. Once I reached what I felt was a substantial agreement she stormed out of my office....left the building and did not come back for over an hour. Once she returned she insisted she wanted to go home because she was sick. Naturally I knew this was not the case and it would really leave me in a lurch as far as staffing was concerned so I again asked her to take another break(note that I overlooked the first un-approved break because I am a nice person) and off she went. Upon her return "Cybil" was a totally different and nice person. For the entire remainder of the day I thought I was dealing with an entirely different person.......I was almost tempted to call a priest and request an exorcism (Frankie where are you when I need you word).

To end my day my poor cousin and I commiserated over the fact that its a certain someone's birthday tomorrow and I feel compelled to commit myself to a mental institution because I feel as if there is no normalcy in any of my interactions with anyone. I also feel like I am constantly being taken advantage of by everyone that crosses my path and that it might be a swell idea to hole up somwhere for awhile. And oddly enough all I can think about is the sticky toffee pudding at Tea and Sympathy in NYC. Just one week away Sheri and I will be meeting up after too long and I miss her and I want to be there during this difficult time. I almost feel that when I vent about my frustrations that the minute I come up for air on any of them that I someone else is worse off then me and that I am totally selfish feeling sad for myself.

What is a girl to do?

Down To The Bare Essentials

As I observed from a quiet corner of a speakeasy last night there was a particular woman who wanted to leave the bar; her boyfriend was not interested in leaving therefore she explained to him that as a result of his inherent defiance to her request that she was going to instantaneously replace him. While in theory this would have been a harmful defense the bar was barren as it was early. I personally prefer the empty bar because it gives me a chance to decompress and not have any responsibilities to socialize with the idle. Go figure this woman comes up to ME of all people and asks me if I want to dance in this completely empty venue. I decline properly at which time she indicates to me that I appear to be "snobby but its okay!." Perhaps my personification was emulated as such because I was not in the mood to dance with someone that was one glass of white zin away from chunder of a female. Alas, D and I managed to wrangle ourselves away from "chunder girl" and to the bar where there existed a assortment of real estate. While at the bar I ordered a second drink and watched.........







What is interesting about this bar is that the crowd becomes a quick moving current flow of people. At one moment the bar is like the Mojave dessert and the next its packed like the 6 train at rush hour. So as the room begins to fill I watched what I assumed to be a couple(and I will tell you that observing does not come without its issues as you must maintain the most inconspicuous parameters as possible and this is not always manageable. The issue being that most drunken people will ask you ,"whaaatt are you looking at?" or they will take it as you are into them and they will come and try and hit on you.







So there I was a statued lighthouse watching this woman try and dance with a guy whom she obviously consorts with. This man was part of a very large entourage of men and women who were definitely the lifeblood to the establishment. And I will state they were wildly entertaining throughout the night because my cover was blown quickly into the observation and I had very little need for damage control. Getting back to the subject matter however for reasons of supposed disinterest he is very obviously trying to shrug her off and she is not taking the hint. I watch him intently; as he was not too shabby looking either and this girl was desperately pulling out all the stops up to including the "backside swing" which is always a call for help to capture his attention. (If you are not aware of this maneuver its a desperate cry for help. So I suppose I can explain; its when a woman hugs a man from behind throwing her arms right above his naughty bits and squeezes him so tight he is able to determine her cup size from the back. Its a cheap shot but most men go for it because they always look taken aback and turn around; most often girls will then push forward a kiss and then the man is toast....this is a frequent occurrence especially if the man is tall because she is usually misdirected and hits him in the member....sparking blood flow). As this did not appear to work well for her she managed to save her face and walk away. But just as I was taking it all in I was spotted by none other than my uncle!



I was horrified by his presence and felt terribly vulnerable. He started insisting that he was going to protect me for the night and any guy caught talking to me or around me was in big trouble. I enjoyed no part of this interrogatory conversation. I felt exposed and the guy I was observing whom oddly enough had moved considerably closer to my seat than from earlier was keen to what was going on and started to giggle at my expense. So as my cover was blown and my date was commiserating with the greater part of North Providence inhabiting the bar I threw this guy a bone and asked him if was having a laugh at my expense? Naturally I made him nervous because let's just be honest...I make coffee nervous! He who was supposed to be my subject turned about to be the converse. He was observing me! So when I asked him if he was amused by the scene my uncle was causing he stated very clearly that he had seen what I was going through but instead was most interested in me because I was "cute!" This is not a term I would specifically place myself with however accepting this rather complementary suggestion was most fitting. He joined me at the bar and seemed rather interesting. Cute was definitely not the word to describe him rather "dashing" would be suitable......OK let's just get down to brass tax....he was smoking hot!! Instantly we hit it off and I could see that he was a little shy so I proposed asking as such. He then dropped the trout slap which made me squirm in my seat!!!! Apparently he was the designated driver trying to get back in the social circuit because he just had ended a terrible relationship and his heart was in shambles. This is where I want to run the hell out of the bar with my hair on fire. I think, "where do these fucking wounded men find me?" I am not interested in having yet another conversation with a broken man. Where are all the proper blokes who do not want to talk to me about their problems? Why am I a target? Is there a sign hanging on my back stating that the "Doctor Is In?" Was I channeling Lucy circa the Peanuts set? No, but be as it may it would have been terribly curt of me to walk away now that this man has enveloped me in intrigue. Would he fall victim to my blog; you'd better believe it!

So as explained he was in a relationship once he graduated from Syracuse (bonus) and had taken a job in the legal sector however after several infidulous circumstances he had become aware of he decided to break it off; which only benefited him in the end because she ended up encapsulating herself in a pregnancy issue which he was able to walk away from as admittedly their sexual encounters were non existent! A true sign of a failed coupling. As we delved further into the conversation I discovered to what extent of legal activity he was involved in (seeing as Syracuse is a large lawering environment...with perfect example Erika congrats on passing the BAR!!!) I assumed he must be waiting for test results. Not exactly, he was a state trooper (and again I get myself too near to a municipal worker, damn). So he was a trooper in NY and moved back to RI due to the break off and an ill parent. So now he works in RI and is living in East Greenwich and trying to rekindle his consorts. I was rather impressed that he decided not to drink his first night out and found it intriguing that he was so open. I wanted to ask him more questions about the girl that he was with but suddenly discovered she was his cousin and that most of the people he was out with were friends from his more formidable high school years. They were very polite often stopping in to check on him and winking at him from behind my back, then stating how lucky he was to meet me. I thought it was interesting when one of the guys actually leaned in and asked him if he had offered to buy me a drink (which he already had and I naturally declined because of my inherent awkwardness). His friend also came back again for another round of whether or not he has asked me to dance? Again, I declined. The most interesting part was the cousin. She kept trying to interject our conversation so another friend of his let's call him "big blue guy" (because he was a million feet tall and his blue shirt could have been a floor length ball gown on me) stood like a human wall in front of us so that she would not interrupt. The most interesting thing was that I had never witnessed this strength in numbers concept of men talking to women. Because I generally observe from afar I suppose I have been bereft of the opportunity to see just what it is that men do for one another. Its almost animistic! If the friends approve of the girl they stand guard to ensure that the interaction is flawless. Its like a momma cub protecting the den. I found it charming. Was this the normal code of ethics for interaction? I suppose it might be?

So as the night went on even further I felt the conversation went well....until some random dude touched my hair. This is when the night got vivid! The guy behind me touched my hair and told me it was; "the hottest blond locks he had ever seen!" which is total crap as it was a damp night and I was in need of Aveda. His hands grazed my head and I was appalled! I turned around and just as I did the trooper stood up and walked behind my chair. He then asked me if I happened to be acquainted with the guy who pulled my hair. I did not know him so the trooper asked the guy not to touch me again! WOW! This is getting dicey. I was almost scared that the trooper might be too "cop-like" for me but apparently as it was later clarified he knew the guy from someplace else and that he was "a loser."

So getting on with the story I decided that I had enough material...I wanted to leave the bar. The "chunder girl," the "hair puller," etc......until...."the hair puller" dared to mess with D. He touched her pom pom! He then leaned in and told her he had $175k and would like to show her a good time! It was as if you could sense a virtual gong going off in her head....she slapped "hair puller" and we had to leave. It could have gotten much uglier and I was tired anyway. So we hedged for the door. As I walked to my car I noticed the trooper following me, and it made me a bit suspicious so I went for the pepper spray.....just in case!

It was unnecessary because the reason he followed me out was; nice. He asked if he could call me sometime! WOW! What woman could cheat on a man like this. It was like having drinks with Bambi! As to not entirely hurt his feelings I did not give him my number but rather he I. So here I am with this telephone number, a suspicious feeling about the "momma cub" theory, a tingly scalp (from the hair pulling, of course), a very drunk BFF, and a mystified feeling that all my previous comprehension of men was entirely off!

Shit!

Wow! To A Great Night!

I just experienced a rebirth of what I am best suited for. Tonight was a top night for sure and thanks to the spulunking of my best girls I managed to drink and dance with the best and will sadly be working tomorrow.

Tonight I was able to recapture myself and what I felt was a previously lost marketability. Thanks to Saleh, Farwaz and of course B, L, Miss and Nik we had a fantastic time drinking, socializing and partying.

What I learned the most is that boys aside that friends are the most important aspect of life. Friends are like a treasure trove. They glimmer, they catch your eye and from an outsiders perspective they are envious. I completely and utterly treasure my friends for showing me tonight that for the first time in a long time I feel awesome again! We had Bellinis, engrossing conversations and the beauty of what everyone brings to the element.

Initally I was going to sit a lady in waiting for a sad person to beckon however I realized that in life you can only play the sympathy card to a tee and then once on the green must put for the big game or as a result be considered a putz. When I look back and realize that tonight I am a special girl and was enticed to regail in my attributes, my writing starkly improves, my analysis is poigintly clear and I come to the deicison that I need people around me that tremendously appreciate me which is something that my closest girls contribute to on a regular basis. Not to mention that most of the bar was smitten by my evenescence.

It is with complete and utter passion that I am pleased to have spent my time where it was most important....with those around me that care. For those that share a minimal amount of attention.....you lose. Every time! Keep living the dream because reality for you bites....alone!

Ole Ole Ole...Ole....Ole!!

Today I am for obvious reasons going to be in a shit mood. This has all be predicated on the lovely yet painfully annoying housemate. This morning he has managed to successfully watch LigTV at top volume and for some un-Godly reason managed to watch a program that repeatedly featured futbol fans screaming out the Ole! song. First of all most Turks do not even know what Ole! means, secondly 15 minutes straight of it (because in being annoyed I managed to time it) is absolute HELL!!!!!!!

In addition to this drama there was the loud hummm of the juicer, swearing in Turkish at top volume and slamming of cabinet doors. Additionally I wonder how its possible that the microwave still manages to suspend itself over my stove because its been bashed a million times as well. There will be no namaste for I today.

Finally to sum it all up the hem on my trousers dropped after I just took them from the dry cleaner hanger (which I think they did on purpose because I asked them not to wrap my clothes in plastic because the material is not recyclable) and then I might just be late for work because I am sitting here proposing this scenario instead of getting ready.

Who really cares.......Ole!

Stress Bears No Weight

WOOOOWWW!!!

This week has been insane. Let's recap;
1) Monday; CT all day; Meeting
2) Tuesday; Meeting
Lunch with CEO of RBS/Citizens
Final Project
Dinner with the Ladies
3) Wednesday; Biz Expo
Meeting
Meeting
Meeting
4) Thursday; Meeting
Meeting
Dinner Meeting
5) Friday; CT all day Meeting
Pilates

Who invented this concept of meeting? I believe this week was sponsored by the makers of Preparation H. Because this week is a pain in my ass! But getting to the punchline; how have I managed to lose 8 lbs. after not hitting the gym once.........that is worth all the meetings!!!!!!!!!!


I need to have some fun!

Its Good To Be Me!

Or so it seems. After a chilly weekend and a drive to CT today for a meeting and a group meeting for my FINAL tomorrow I am spent. Whew! Its 9:30ish and I cannot believe where the time went.......

As you can tell I have sucessfully managed to post my blog surrucipitously on Blogger.com. I was a tiny bit apprehensive after my row and breakup with myspace. My writing has been on quite a hiatus as I have been lending my time towards other mediums. Rather its quite odd really because I have little accomplished lately and my schedule is in shambles. I assume its due to the new job and the dwindling down of classes. Additionally my past weekend was rather dodgy. I took a quiet night at home to myself before spending the day drenched on Benefit Street all day Saturday at the RISD Art Sale. I will admit that whilst I assisted my dear friend Ecem making crazy sales I did indulge a bit in an Alex Lewis original not Alix after that wretched bitch! Its a frosted glass, chain link bracelet. It was a steal at $30 and I just had to have its coveted-ness. The chill of my Saturday was definately worth it and even more so my dear child Ecem was induced tonight; baby Jaqq is on his way! Lovely! So naturally if all comes out properly I will be a double Taze and will be making a stop at W&I to welcome the little nappy lover into this beautiful world. God knows Ecem makes the most beautiful bunting babies and I cannot wait to see him!

I will also be playing host to Truva for the next day or so while she recovers. All these little ones running round makes me wonder why I am not with one in tow! AS IF! Babies never make the best fashion accessories. Alas, I suppose I should finally dish on about my Saturday night as it was quite interesting.

Here goes..........

Saturday night was supposed to be a chill night with E. I assumed as such when we went to Wild C. A few ciders deep we were also graced with the presence of mix master Radio Mike in his patent leather jacket which was ill fitting and looked like he robbed the Children's Place. He was just giddy to get out of the house as his wife was away......he needed a girls night. While we decided to hang all night Mike could not hang and was forced to retreat after E and I downed at least a dozen Magner's between. A bit of time later M showed with Nik and we drank a little more. Nik had a date whom I knew from high school which was wild because I felt compelled to immediately apologize for being a bit of a shit as we all were in high school. Poor Dave, I swear I too overutilized Manic Panic. No worries mate.

As we decided to not stick around long and to make our way to Red Room we piled into the Jet and headed round town. While outside getting some "air" I witnessed a girl crash into 4 cars. I was told to not call the police. I obliged the girl kept going and I was left with an initial tabulation of repairs in my head. Thank God I parked a block away. Afterward inside was entertained by several hedge fund managers from my building whom were rather rude. TOM! You are a LOSER!!!!!!!!! My dear M met several folks and Nik had fun with her little date. E was so obilterated that I had to take her home and we laughed all the way home.

What was terribly odd was that my dear friends ended up dropping my to only not properly greet, stumble around and head out. I suppose it was for the best because I was on good behavior and I prefer to keep it that way. With all the impending free time on my hands I will need to behave to capture many weekend moments ahead.