Couples

In every direction there are two of everything. Salt and Pepper, Milk and Honey, Peas and Carrots. Fuck that.

You can be strong on your own. I am finding this out quickly and I rather fancy it. When I look around to see how people are interacting with one another I think of a pack of wild horses. They run together completely in sync because they are meant to be together. As we are meant to be together....but is it entirely correct for men and women to stay together. I am not suggesting the notion of homosexuality rather the concept of marriage. Perhaps we are meant to interact together on a specific level but not exceeding the level of cohabitation. Would it be more likely that there would be less occurrence in the world up to and including coupling if we spent more time in our own solace instead of together. Most of the relationships I observe are a complete bust. Ill-fitted couples interacting together, cheating, fighting, spending and complaining. Would it not be better to push that bucket of trash out the window and rather spend more time alone or with friends. Rather than the tenacious co mingling of selves we give space and time necessary. Then we avoid the cosmic incidence and coincidence of the fact that I know 99% of the couples(unless newly formed) are terribly disappointed.

Has anyone considered perhaps the concept of marriage is outdated? Maybe we are meant to be alone on our journeys? Who knows really?

And So I Pray

It snowed yesterday. As it always does December 19th.

Tears are streaming down my face and into the keyboard as I listen to Jem and think about how this day went 18 years ago. The day my mother left for heaven. And for damn sure I know that is just where she ended up. I do not think I have ever managed to fully engage with anyone who ever matched up to her perfection. She was the nicest/real person I have ever met.

18 years ago my mother woke at 6am on her vacation to watch the neighbor's son while I was getting ready for school. She was just across the street. I went to school and enjoyed my day. While I was at school my mother, grandmother and great aunt spent the day baking Italian Christmas cookies (to think they are probably together in heaven doing just that right now). I still have a cookie(I froze it and its still intact). When I came home from school my mother was cooking dinner and I had to go to dance class. She did not look right, she felt sick. I knew something was wrong and I did not want to go to dance. So I fought with my father....he made me go. When my father returned from bringing me to dance....my mother was gone. She left and it was only 4 days before Christmas.

My affinity for the holidays has never been strong beyond that day. My emotional element has never been strong beyond that day. Very few people know the look of my tears. The only discussion where I can actually cry is when I talk about this person who only lived in my life for a short period of time but never managed to leave my heart.

So on the day that marks the 18 years I have been without you Mom.....I have not forgotten about you for one second. You are with me all the time. I know you look out for me. I wish that we could have gotten to the day that I could return the favor. When I think about that I just cry more.

At this difficult time in my life I wish I had you around to tell me what to do. But deep inside I have the innate feeling you are already on the task.

I love you mommy and I wish that you were here but take care. 6,570 days and counting of missing you!

We'll Get There

What to do when your friend's man does not like you. When he thinks you are trash, or a cheater/liar?

For starters you don't have to give one good gosh darn what anyone thinks about you. Words are just meant to alter reality. They are not knives or guns they do not actually hurt anything other than your mind. And because we change our minds all the time we can change the way the words effect us. When you tell me that your boy thinks I am a cheat/liar I listen and think about how the words apply to me? Then I think about just how well the person knows me. Are the words powerful? Are the words applicable? Then I take a deeper look and wonder is this person just projecting to cover up for their own inadequacies? Typically its the latter but without altering your mind's eye on this viewpoint you typically miss the mark.

I am a specialist of the "sticks and stones" game. I digest words and projectile vomit them back as I see fit and at just the right moment....when you least expect it. I retain what you tell me and then my mind decides if they are work digesting or just evacuating. Talking shit about someone is just that....shit! Its waste....it does not provide the body anything necessary...so the best thing to do with verbal diarrhea is to let it evacuate itself from your head.

So getting back to this friend who has to deal with the "potty mouth." Its all on you girl....is this what you want from life. Remember friends are ancillary parts of your body and soul. Without them you feel lost. If your loved one is talking smack about your body and your soul.....is that healthy for you?

My suggestion.....line up the ducks.....jump out the window...its always open. As is my door....and some other hot shit chick we know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men are DOGS!

Night Moves

Yes, I am in the process of getting divorced so the blinders are definitely off and the tongue sharper than ever. So please do not sue me for this!!!!

After a delicious meal at 121 we decided to continue the distance and get a few more in the system. After a brief and lackluster visit to 10 we reluctantly decided (ok let's be honest its across the street and convenient) to go to McF's. We swindled our way to a free entry and started in on the G&T (my new drink) and Stoli O/Soda/splash of OJ (how did I do B?). Three deep the critic in me was in full force. And I have to tell you, I may have been in a business suit feeling quite uncomfortable (and why is it this is not the first time I was at McF's in a suit....who knows) but nonetheless it was highly likely that we were the best dressed in the bar. So that does not fare well if you are on the prowl or not (dressed up as we attracts the olds and dressed the rest attracts seat-blockers).

So there we were mindlessly drenched and along comes a gaggle of girls. It was painfully obvious they raided the aisles of the pathetic "charlotte russe" with no regard of the result. There were cheap poly-blend v-necks, tight rayon slacks, pleather boots and much to much eyeliner than required. I wanted to take down some of the ponytails, add blush and darker lipstick colors, remove the shawl-tied scarves (which women wear when uncomfortable with large or small breasts and think that men are without x-ray breast vision which they are not bereft of) and hand out pamphlets on the effects of tanning beds to the texture of skin. There were leather faces in the making and should I mention the fact there were far too many big girls with tank tops on!

So without appearing so critical its a wonder what all of this garbage is meant for. Specifically there was a girl that I observed; it was obvious that she was not comfortable with herself because she was aggressively biting her lip. staring up(a double chin combatant) and while not entirely involved in group conversations struggled to giggle at just the right moments. I wanted to go over and tell her that her beauty was possible if she removed her wrapy, gauzy shawl, took down the messy ponytail, and added lipstick. She looked at me with envy (while I was a bit dodgy that night because of severe lack of sleep....which is starting to get frustrating) and I wanted to show the same regard...but without fear I ask....LOOK!

Look in the mirror before you leave. Are the pants too tight where you have a muffin top, is the top too low where you had to wear a demi-bra when you clearly need a full coverage one? Is the hair a messy ball that a cat would frown upon? Is your makeup so severe that GWAR might consider you for the band? Are you comfortable in that shirt that shows your belly that you keep tugging on? It looks like too much work?

Lastly, is your hair too high? We have a photo of that but out of legal responsibilities we will leave it out.

Ladies, I suggest that going forward we go to the bar in trainers, tee shirts and jeans. Men come to bars on an almost consistent basis looking unkempt, frocked in argyle(which I again witnessed for the second time in a month...it needs to go) and trainers I suppose its better than wranglers, trainers and a faded Mew's tee-shirt (yeah I said it you bastard). Or even the horror of standing next to a guy who dusted the shoulders off his fanciest Adidas hoodie? Perhaps. I really do not care to continue on dressing up for anyone. I mean its a natural process but can be altered!

So would someone join me? Sweats are great for binge drinking anyway (the gaggle was engaging in it nonetheless).

So think about it. If you need my help; crisis management while you shitcan the forever 21 bags, and wear uggs as they were intended(at home they are slippers people)...let me know.

This article was completely and totally not endorsed by http://www.nordstrom.com/ because they have style already.

So This Is Christmas?

I could rant my face off about how bad things have been but those efforts would be severely misappropriated. Is it fair for me to carry on at the expense of others when I am in pain and suffering most agressively? Absolutely not and let me tell you, I am a better person for self-soothing because every time I turn my head someone is going through something much worse that I could manage. I call to the stand the case of the stolen child. A very important friend of mine has been having a seriously unfortunate custody battle over her son. Its been going on for quite some time and while she wants to assault the defense she has to play the game judiciously so here goes.

I am shoveling the hovel of snow that settled on my driveway when my mobile chimed at the ungodly hour. Being a newly adapted night owl I was suprised that anyone would be up this late as I delicately shovel away as to not wake the neigbors. My insomnia works wonders for daunting tasks I may add. Alas it was T calling me for my advice (and I never claimed to be an attorney however suggestively so by most of my circle). She was calling as her son was literally kidnapped by a member of her ex's family and taken out of state; snowy night, 3 hours out of the way....what was the rationale? Law states you must have documented and notarized permission from BOTH involved parents to remove a minor from state. So T being a heavily involved parent was IRATE at the notion that someone would idly remove her child from the state without her permission in a crazy snowstorm.

So she asked me what she should do. Her family was not willing to get involved. Now in my permission and experiences with kidnapping and abuse I suggested the best way to handle it without legal implications, trespassing etc I suggested(after giving her the mapquest directions to the address of course for backup) she contact authorities and go from there.

Lil Wayne has this song that calls to mind "comfortable," and it discusses not getting too comfortable. I cannot remember the last time I felt comfortable at all. Every morning when I rise I feel angry, tense and disappointed, but that is just my internal disdain. I may paint a pretty picture because otherwise no one would tolerate my "american splendor" disposition. Like a clown with makeup; so here is a girl trying to get her life in order and someone steals her son from her and refuses to bring him back. I was ready to gas up the trailblazer and hit the highway. Really people.....is there no more comfort zone?

And might I make an additional statement....its fucking Christmas.........can we get a fucking break here?