Yes, I am in the process of getting divorced so the blinders are definitely off and the tongue sharper than ever. So please do not sue me for this!!!!
After a delicious meal at 121 we decided to continue the distance and get a few more in the system. After a brief and lackluster visit to 10 we reluctantly decided (ok let's be honest its across the street and convenient) to go to McF's. We swindled our way to a free entry and started in on the G&T (my new drink) and Stoli O/Soda/splash of OJ (how did I do B?). Three deep the critic in me was in full force. And I have to tell you, I may have been in a business suit feeling quite uncomfortable (and why is it this is not the first time I was at McF's in a suit....who knows) but nonetheless it was highly likely that we were the best dressed in the bar. So that does not fare well if you are on the prowl or not (dressed up as we attracts the olds and dressed the rest attracts seat-blockers).
So there we were mindlessly drenched and along comes a gaggle of girls. It was painfully obvious they raided the aisles of the pathetic "charlotte russe" with no regard of the result. There were cheap poly-blend v-necks, tight rayon slacks, pleather boots and much to much eyeliner than required. I wanted to take down some of the ponytails, add blush and darker lipstick colors, remove the shawl-tied scarves (which women wear when uncomfortable with large or small breasts and think that men are without x-ray breast vision which they are not bereft of) and hand out pamphlets on the effects of tanning beds to the texture of skin. There were leather faces in the making and should I mention the fact there were far too many big girls with tank tops on!
So without appearing so critical its a wonder what all of this garbage is meant for. Specifically there was a girl that I observed; it was obvious that she was not comfortable with herself because she was aggressively biting her lip. staring up(a double chin combatant) and while not entirely involved in group conversations struggled to giggle at just the right moments. I wanted to go over and tell her that her beauty was possible if she removed her wrapy, gauzy shawl, took down the messy ponytail, and added lipstick. She looked at me with envy (while I was a bit dodgy that night because of severe lack of sleep....which is starting to get frustrating) and I wanted to show the same regard...but without fear I ask....LOOK!
Look in the mirror before you leave. Are the pants too tight where you have a muffin top, is the top too low where you had to wear a demi-bra when you clearly need a full coverage one? Is the hair a messy ball that a cat would frown upon? Is your makeup so severe that GWAR might consider you for the band? Are you comfortable in that shirt that shows your belly that you keep tugging on? It looks like too much work?
Lastly, is your hair too high? We have a photo of that but out of legal responsibilities we will leave it out.
Ladies, I suggest that going forward we go to the bar in trainers, tee shirts and jeans. Men come to bars on an almost consistent basis looking unkempt, frocked in argyle(which I again witnessed for the second time in a month...it needs to go) and trainers I suppose its better than wranglers, trainers and a faded Mew's tee-shirt (yeah I said it you bastard). Or even the horror of standing next to a guy who dusted the shoulders off his fanciest Adidas hoodie? Perhaps. I really do not care to continue on dressing up for anyone. I mean its a natural process but can be altered!
So would someone join me? Sweats are great for binge drinking anyway (the gaggle was engaging in it nonetheless).
So think about it. If you need my help; crisis management while you shitcan the forever 21 bags, and wear uggs as they were intended(at home they are slippers people)...let me know.
This article was completely and totally not endorsed by http://www.nordstrom.com/ because they have style already.
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