What Has It Become

This week has been so good and yet so terrible. I sit here listening to tunes with a happy and gritty tone. With health issues surfacing throughout the family I feel like I cannot get a grip as to where I need to be and whom I need to support. Additionally I find myself being a incessantly terrible friend. While I know that my family is the number one priority I know that missing out on key moments in life are important to molding my world's sphere.

My week that has now come to a slow roll was culminated to hospital visits, sad dinners with the past and new encounters with people that rip the security blanket directly from my white knuckles. Words are tough to secure. Colors cannot describe.

I am not sure which way to go next for I fear that the word spoken less than perfectly can be absolutely detrimental to future encounters. So I zipper its seams, tie its loose ends and carry its contents in my pocket.....hoping that it will not tear the lining.

I feel terribly overjoyed and mightily confused at the same time. Almost like the Indian cuisine which I am about to enjoy......carefully.

Where are we now?

Slow Handed Lover

Those that say that sex is an insignificant portion of a relationship have not met Mimi. Sweet endearing Mimi would beg to differ. To her intimacy is an integral part of a relationship. As I sit in this terribly uncomfortable chair thinking about my own pathetic and dull encounters listening to Jazz complements of Temple University I can't help but ponder if....then when?

I have so many accomplices I tool around with and they all suffer from the same anxiety. When the hell should you bed a man? To be perfectly honest there is no definitive answer to the question. Because let's face it....sex and all the accouterments that accompany it are terribly important to a relationship's longevity. Its nothing to do with the female rather the male interpretation of events. See a woman can easily jump right in and get what they want no angle. We need and want to be with our "friend" post haste. However its not entirely certain when the timing is right because we have too many thoughts and emotions hovering about our gilded little halos. Typically the number one concern is whether or not the person we decide to fornicate with is in-fact going to provide repeat business? I would not deny that the feelings are almost immediate with a guy that you are into. There is no question that from day one we are prepared; proper lingerie, all areas free from fuzz and any pheromone we can exude working overtime. We use hand signals, visual aids if need be to get the job done. But then what we are left with is often times puzzling. Like after you do the freak nasty with this guy is he going to call you again? One date, ten dates you can never be sure when the timing is right. Therefore it almost becomes a touch and go situation. And you simply must be stealth at reading the signals.

1)Is he sitting close to you, making every valiant attempt to touch you, place his arm around, feel the back of your hand against his and showering you with gentle kisses and even the possible PDA?

2)Or is he giving you the nonchalant looks of a hungry man about to murder an innocent doe in the forest with little more than a rusty arrow and shoddy bow?

Question? Are you just standing there frozen at the thought of which way the night is going or are you feeling the usual temperature/moisture increase in all the right places? TMI? Perhaps but for effect it will be necessary to diagnose the situation with as many details as possible.

Either option one or two are the typical scenarios. They may not entirely play out as directly as I have explained however in essence of time and the fact that the kind of girl that reads this knows just what I am talking about its important to understand you can get yourself into a pickle or out of one with simple recognition.

So better to wait until you see scenario 1 before jumping the fence' I concur! Ladies take notes....you do not want to miss this one.

Is it better to be a slow handed lover than a jackrabbit? Absolutely as you well know the turtle took his time and did it right and wins the race EVERY TIME. Not to mention that slow and steady always pays off for us....you can say~

If This Doesn't Make You Quake? Stupid Men Again!

Honestly Ladies,

When are you going to take the Cool Kid's advice and stop being so damn emotional? Its a travesty really that we have to deal with the underlings referred so sweetly as men however its just time to check. Yes, check your emotions at the door Ladies. Over and over and over again like a monkey with a miniature symbol (stolen entirely from Hot Chip) I listen to the same stories full of woe where an underling gives the gigande blow-off and instead of taking it on the chin you get all wrapped up in what you did wrong and the possibilities of where he might be up to including hospitals checking for his presence. NOT COOL! If he was meant to be hospitalized that night gosh forbid its fate playing its natural role and protecting you from an otherwise miserable rendezvous. If it decides not to play a natural role then its not time to allow depression and sadness to frisk your pockets and rob you of any joy hidden in your pockets! Rather get a soy latte, curl up with a novel, fill a hot bath (which is a total waste of upwards of 70 gallons + of water by the way so perhaps a quick hot shower would be most ardent?) and turn off your mobile. Its really not necessary to ponder the whereabouts of whats-his-face! Who cares? If you really think deeply about it...why the hell would you ever want to spend time getting to know this goober when he blew you off? If a new girl ditched you for a shopping trip and simply did not call you that morning to firm up plans whilst you stand in the outlets with a scowl on your face you hate the hell out of her and do not sit around waiting for an explanation. Rather you haul ass to BCBG and buy yourself an overpriced belt perhaps a last season Coach bag (gross). You do not dwell. You give the phone a jingle and if she does not answer there is no shame behind moving on. So why instead of sitting around a giant box of Godiva truffles with your puppy dog face on with your iPhone glued to your ass don't you forget the tosser! I know it seems easy to talk about on the surface and I tend to be an angry bitch so why would you take my advice??? Simply because I am always spot on about these things. Trust me if he did not call he did not want to hang out with you/could not afford to/wife would not give him the night off to gallivant/no gas in the car etc.....the last thing on his peanut shaped minuscule brain was you. Especially when he tells you he and the girlfriend are broken up but the still live together (he on the bottom and she on the top floors which is a complete and total sexual innuendo if you picked up on it). BULLSHITE!!!!!!!!So take the dress back to Nordstrom, stow the knee high boots in the closet for another day and pour yourself a St. Germain cocktail (like the one I am sipping on right now), because lets face it Elderflower liquor from the Alps (all marvelous things happen to come from the Alps), Champagne(dry dry dry is the key) and a splash of soda tastes so much better than the lousy kiss of stale beer and binaca. YUCK!

Already In The Air

There is a storm on the way. Its a new year and so the expectations are paramount to make changes, reform policies and transform the overall mindset of things past and future carry-out of plans. Isn't it exciting to think of the possibilities? Not exactly when I expressed my own sentiment to the segment of interactions. Most had a bad taste in their mouths for ruined beginnings. Perhaps you slept through your morning alarm on Jan one and missed the early morning spin class? Perhaps you even went so far like I and ended a 10 year friendship because it was the best way to start the new year? All is not lost. There are many ways that you can reform your wicked ways. And lets think about it shall we? If you slept through your morning alarm you can still go to the gym later in the day. And if you equalized your friendship with your 10 year best friend perhaps you are cleansing your life by weeding out all the bad influences. All is not lost. Come rock with me here for a moment if you will? Perhaps this year is the year of the endless sky of opportunities to do things you never thought possible? So here are my new year suggestions.

1) Throw out all of your bed linens and buy new ones. Perhaps you will welcome someone new and worthy into your bed and if you are betrothed then perhaps the new sheets will spark some new activities.

2) Go on a diet and lose about 10 pounds.....it will change your life and your confidence....and if you are already in shape keep up the good work, tone those arms....get cut.

3) Spend less time in the bar and more time in church....its about time you get some God in your life.

4) Invest in the people you might have previously overlooked. I have someone in mind that I waived the prior year that can improve my life...be a little selfish...you owe it to yourself.

5) Get busy. Have more sex....its good for you.

6) Let a guy buy you a drink in bar even if he is not cute. Then talk to him....looks are not everything you know...and he could be super cool,

7) This is stolen; throw out all of your earrings you do not like... Get over them and buy new ones.

8) Save a little money. Its not a bad idea to prepare yourself. Smart girls always have a backup plan!

9)Spend more time with nature. Go to Newport in the bitter cold. Spend sometime walking the beautiful Westerly beaches.....it will cleanse your soul.

10) Stop drinking out of plastic bottles. Stop buying cases of water...instead get a $20 PUR water filter and a $17 SIGG water jug and fill er up! Saves you big bucks and who wants to drink water from upstate NY anyway....Mineral Spring people....Mineral Spring!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Do what you need to do to make it right. 2009 is yours and mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M DONE......

Wow, I have never had a New Year like this. It started off with a ton of snow.....we managed to get to Boston after passing several rollover accidents and wind gusts all about. We checked into the hotel and were quite excited to get the party started and what a night it would be. Just a hot minute later from our arrival we were whisking away to a party in Jamaica Plain.....it was a short second we stayed and we headed to the Gypsy Bar where we were treated to long lines even after spending a king's ransom for the tickets just days before. Once inside we managed to mix and mingle with the crowd and have a rocking good time. The clock struck midnight and we were as thick and thieves. Drinks in hand, festive tiaras adorned our heads and no issues in sight. After the night ended we attempted in a very stealth manner to get a taxi which we had several failed attempts. Once inside the cab one of our guests decided she was no longer going the be nice to anyone. She started by mouthing off to her significant other and then to the group in general. Once inside the room the behavior continued to ensue. It was within seconds that violence ensued. The crack of one hand against the tender skin of her partner in the face was all that it took for me to take action. I insisted the violence end. What happened next was completely unexpected.
This unsavory individual took it upon herself the react towards me getting into her business by violently lunging towards me and literally pulled the hair direct from my scalp. Bleeding from the scalp I pushed my opposition forward and she continued to get into my space. I retreated not before she violently tugged to towards the floor. I again retreated back and insisted her significant other restrain her. It continued with a few more moments of words before the authorities intervened. I being totally uncomfortable at the thought of someone coming at me and being entirely violent I decided to pack up and leave the hotel. Suffering almost two demanding wee morning hours I arrived at home. The morning not to soon later I learned that friends do definitely come with an expiration date. For the time spent with them make sure they fulfill your needs and protect yourself....not allow anyone to be a bully either mentally or physically. Additionally its OK to say goodbye. So here is to you H......GOOD BYE CRAZY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME....NOW I'M FREE!!!!!