Age IS All About Numbers

When asked whether or not it matters when deciding on a proper suitor and age comes into question what might I suggest the proper age?  Often times women will select to date younger men without regard to the emblazoned number searing on their chest.  Almost always the end result is maddeningly depressed because there always exists a maturity distance between men and women and choosing to date one that is far inferior to your age for example 4 years your junior is a feat of strength.  Take for example the typical young male around the age of 25.  He looks like he just came directly out of the Matell box; hair neatly maintained, clothes sparkling; Yes he is the new Ken doll.  You often times find him to be the sports enthusiast and you quickly grab hold of his passion.  Attending sporting events, rooting for the home team and all that bullshit.  He is excited by your moral support when he plays couch commando. He also finds your zest refreshing as you engage in "flagrande" while picking up on the game highlights.  Look at you!  What have you become. Let's be honest ladies...if you did not meet this man because you share a mutual affection for a particular basketball or soccer team your relationship is doomed from the start. You can mold yourself into what you think is the best plausible result and how "sweet" and "fun" this man can possibly be but lets face the overall resultant blend; you will find that over time you will tire of his childish antics and unless you are willing to be a parent throughout the doomed relationship consider it a forfeit because you will lose.

Not Your Substitute Lover

Ladies, a revelation if you will.  Repeat performances unite to fulfill a conspiracy theory that only a man could cultivate.  Its all about the insensitive capabilities that the immature mind relies heavily upon in order to make what is believed to be solid decisions.  Rather we might suggest that instead of relying on the masculine decision making capabilities we tell the man; I'm not your substitute lover. I'm not here for when, where and how you need me.  I don't wait for you to come to fruition and if you cannot get on board with that notion then I'm inclined to kick your ass of the gang plank.  A panel of talented and highly successful women held caucus this afternoon and it was at this time they came to the same conclusion; men are not good enough for us. We are at the point in evolution where a man has lost all sense of morality and goes on his under-educated inhibitions and makes scarcely sensible decisions.

Here is story number one; the Beckon Call Girl. It involves a girl scorned many times. She has a chip on her shoulder and a heart like a sponge. She is sensitive and edgy.  She wants to be loved on the inside and upheld on the outs.  Girl meets boy; girl plays it cool and gives "man space."  The guy she meets turns out to loathe the space the girl offers suggesting as such until she goes against her better judgement offering a call here and a text there. At the exact moment that this occurs then man decides he will completely blow her off. Instead of communicating exactly what he wants in his utter entirety he stops calling. He stops emailing. He hits the ignore button on his ringing phones.  The minute she gives this man an ounce of attention she becomes a "psycho."  He notifies the pack of fellow heart breakers he socializes with; they concur and the potential is annihilated.   She is left with several a sequestering unanswered. She takes up residence in the advice of friends who think she is weak and simply needs to "get over it."  Meanwhile the guy realizes shortly after his bomb was dropped that he misses her.  So he calls her with some lame ass excuse about having a family problem, pimple on his ass...etc. All excuses are unfounded.  Alas, the girl makes a motion to give the love fool a second chance.  He does her another deal shortly after. The relationship is not the same after one post-disappointment break.  She still works at it hoping to regain momentum.  However at NASCAR when a car crashes in the wall and flips over ten times you are best to assume it will never run again at full speed. So she recounts in her head what SHE did wrong.  Until another man (once again highly unsuitable) comes along and she can basically hit the repeat cycle on the laundry because he's bound to do the same. Perhaps she needs a chip on both shoulders to balance things out.  This way she can use those chips as weapons of mass destruction where need be.

Story Number 2. The Fly By Night Texting Bitch. This girl is my favorite because she has the guts to do just want I never stand to maintain; composure.  She has the innate ability to never return a male's phone call. She will only text. She breeds the culture of minimal communication. This tragic flaw however gets her into trouble every time because she expects by playing it cool with the guys by never calling them that it makes her more desirable.  However absence does not make the heart grow fonder and its not uncommon that when a guy does not hear the sexy and soothing sound of your voice (because the female voice causes the erotic nose-brain hairs stand on edge).  So most often than not in every interaction with a man she ends up losing their chemical romance. Tragic because she is actually doing what she believes to be a favor to the gentlemen but ends up driving their interests elsewhere. Typically to the local cheap slut sports bar.

Story Number 3.  The English Patience. Great at communication this girl is what every man wants. She is politely direct. She is fun, she likes sports and is often referred to as the "sweet" girl.  I'm not quite sure if I would enjoy this label alas, there she is. She makes direct telephone and Internet contact. She loathes texting because its constantly misconstrued and she does not want to misread any signs.  She does just what every man wants her to do; she can totally sit at a bar and watch football without interrupting and plays or 1st downs and grunts and groans equally at fumbles and incomplete.  One would surmise to tell that this girl is the big winner. She has the patience of a saint with a guy. Even when he disappears on date night and never returns phone calls. She sits by the phone staring at it lovingly; it never rings by anyone other than nasty ex-boyfriends and she finds this unfortunate. All to willing to give 100% of herself she only comes to find out later that the guy she likes has a girlfriend and that she was just something on the side.  Being so spineless she actually feels bad for the girlfriend and does not want to hold it against the guy because he is only human; she has the patience of a saint.  

Story Number 4.  The Healthy Enabler.  We all want to be this girl. She is beautiful and incredibly confident on the outside. Internally this girl is struggling to maintain her identity because she feels like she can never be herself because the guys that she dates are numb. They have little or no feeling for her, never get to know her and want little more than to use her as arm candy. She allows this with any man in sight not out of friendliness rather because she wants to feel like the most beautiful girl in the room. Its sad really because she is effortlessly beautiful and has no idea because she allows men to make her think she is something less than perfect.  She is a healthy girl but enables bad behavior.

These are just a few of the examples. See the qualities these women embody because they are talented, successful and strong women. Their resumes are exhaustive.  They don't need a man to make them feel special because they are in their own right. Its just tragic  men; we support you, are patient with you, give you space and enable you like children.  

My advice; get your boots on girls because we are about to go waist deep.  Flip those tables over and learn from the behaviors of men. You don't need to wait around for a man to decide that he wants you when, where, how etc.  Its not worth it. You get what you want or you get out. You are not a substitute lover. You are love; simple and poetic so make sure to not give your heart away to the wrong boy anymore rather offer these words of advice "I'm through with you."

A Little Lull

As yet another birthday beckons, I ponder.  Over the past 28 years of my life many experiences I have had and as this number 29 is on the cusp I wax poetic as to just what I have accomplished on my life's list.  While it is an exceptionally long list many items are now complete.  In my body exists a gaping hole; a garish gash which belongs to my heart.  I often wonder why this hole exists and while I bear it if anyone happens to notice.  Most people bear their crosses; I too have my own but through it all and again its been quite a labyrinth I still manage to navigate it all.  I suppose its due to the fact that the most tragic piece of my life has already made its way through my path and its haunting.  Another year passes in my life and I still have no idea why its such a strong feeling knowing that yet again another birthday passes and all I really care about is the fact that my mother is not here.  Candles on the cake are lit and then extinguished however the memories still burn bright as the delectable confection below is enjoyed and the clock continues to navigate a sea of experience without a guardian angel by my side.  This year will prove to be another enduring one. Many weeks of travel, learning and reminiscing on past experiences while cataloguing new ones with friends and family along for the journey.  If one was to make resolve to change things in their new year of life it would be to find a stronger version of myself leaving behind a past of insecurities and doubt.  I will shed the sheath of over analysis and be patient with myself.  I look forward to the new horizons in the distance. I know that even without the strength of my mother that I can endure anything after losing her.  So here's to another year past and may I find the power to continue to tread the thicket of my future existence.