Crappy Friends

Highly unlikely that I'll ever write a solid word ever again. But if the chance presents itself is have to insist the most recent topic of written conversation most likely pertains to friendships in the modern world. As I go on to celebrate a year later as a Facebook deserter I have come to realize the quality of friendship that exist today is borderline worthless. Some of whom I consider my best of friends have from time to time earned the label of shallow, self-serving and almost entirely one-way. Case and point proven when you are in need.. Whether it be a simple vote of confidence or a shoulder to cry on that is when you can truly determine whom your true friends are. They say at rue friend is there for you between thick and thin....but not just in-between boyfriends. When you can park your car 20 feet away from my front door and visit your boyfriend, my neighbor but not me, should I consider you a friend? If you can work in the same building as me but never come by my desk, not even once, then who are you to me? If your only way of knowing I exist is by a pathetic tweet, please assume we are not friends.

I think tonight's episode of Mad Men summed it up when it said "everything in life is crap. When you think something good is going to happen it becomes crap." It's sad to say, but friendships have really become crap. I need to find a way to feel different. I just need to find different friends. I need to find friendships that don't just exist on Facebook or Twitter on them.

Be it not wrong?

Be it not wrong to indulge in happiness? When the world is swirling with utter anguish, shall I fear selfishness. That I should enjoy the trappings of a simple life when all around me is aghast? That with every inhalation of my baited breath I should hinder my satisfaction in my environment when there are many who lie in a repugnant wake? Often times I ponder what the key to life's joy looks like and perhaps I hold it unsuspectedly? So whilst I travel on this journey of hypothesis, I share most with many; an ear for listening, a heart for empathy, a sense for humor and a zest for spirit. I ask is it just that in return I prescribe myself the label of just sheer contentedness? For once I my life I have surrendered my demons. Eliminated my toxic relationships and eradicated my discourse for those who betray. Yes, while all around me the penchant for life's pitfalls is a focal point of many, my journey has been too long and my road too rough to maintain a future stock in its negative amenities. So I will draw my sword of indifference towards its ugly head and make an oath to my own human spirit that while it may appear wrong to live in the state of contentedness which I reside you can deem it wrong but to I it's just right.

Burnt Sushi

Interesting the smell of burnt sushi!

Well, sort of...

I used to be the girl who gave a damn about everything. My emotions always ran high and my sensitivity levels more than likely exceeded what one would perceive to be normal. In that light I considered myself to be a pushover and it took me many many years to realize I was wasting my life. So now, after all time time has passed me by and somehow I've transformed I've realized that emotions can be dangerous if not properly harnessed. Emotions can be dangerous as they can make you think a certain way, act a certain way and almost cause you to trend your way of making major life choices. It can be toxic.
When you alleviate yourself from letting your emotions control your life you have a sense of freedom. You become able to shed the weight and burden of being driven by a dark passenger. You break free from the shackles of an almost manipulative posture, and it's amazing what you feel and what you notice.
The first thing you realize is that the people you surrounded yourself with and placed infinite value in aren't what you think they are. The people you think care for you become your future energy vampires. What you mistake for a genuine friend becomes a feeder fish and more dead weight than strength. Alas, when you shed that weight, those who fall into the weight loss category become upset. They don't realize what they've done. The trail they've blazed, had to be closed and when that time comes; it's not pretty.
The bottom line is that once you find joy and happiness and you eliminate the bad things in your life you are going to piss people off. They won't understand why you won't return their calls, texts and emails. They talk about you behind your back, they seek revenge and they try to hurt you. You can't let this affect you. You must unglue yourself from the toxicity. Those people need to realize that no matter what they say to you or about you, it will not stop you from being strong. You rise like a Phoenix from the ashes and you leave all the past behind. And those you leave in your wake come to find one day, that right was done by all. Or they don't, but you no longer care because you are free!