I used to be an excellent writer. Rumor has it people really liked what I had to say; but then something went terribly wrong. I got happy. And when you are happy things change. You start to forget about all the pertinent things. The things that make you think. The things that keep you awake at night, get tossed aside. Any you end up nesting up and forgetting all the things that are important to you. You set out in life to be the very most successful person on the planet and you are mired in mediocrity of the relationship and you end up dumbing yourself down to fit the needs of your partner and then you find yourself after a period of time alone again. Relationship or not you are truly alone. You don't even realize it. You make justifications for the things that you are allowing your partner to get away with. You chide with their shortcomings to account for the the feelings you put aside because you think that perhaps you are being a tad overzealous in the simple things that you are asking for alas, there you are. 9:00 p.m., on a Friday night after working for 100+ hours a week and the motherfucker wants to get home early for whatever the reason is?
Perhaps its a Barrett Jackson auction or some other distraction but seriously on a Friday night; that is a simple lack of interest in the relationship and a lack of knowledge as to what I need and what I am going through. And I know quite clearly that there isn't a squire on earth that would not jump at the opportunity to jump at me and alas I feel that this notion is being chided by someone who is not painful aware of the spenders of our relationship. Do I stay, do I go?
Do I ask him to go? I have not a clue. I would've thought by not that whatever I have gone through has been enough. Hasn't God tested me enough? Have I yet to prove my mental endurance? Have I yet to prove my mental stability? Because other than my physical size, my mental size continues to wane. I don't know how much more time I have to deal with the small stuff I am faced with. I need my strength! I need my fight! I haven't found her in awhile! I have not found her in years. But I continue my search. I continue my quest. There are others that settle but yet I'm out for the best. Where is he? Where is he? IS he here? Does he just need to put his guard down? Or is there a changing of the guard?
