There are the hours before flight. When you have time on your hands to get lost in your thoughts. There is no quiet of calm. Just clicking of machines. The time passes as if the walls are caving in on you. The tunnel to our destination is always long and narrow. No final result is ever close or easy to arrive. So as you sit and ponder on your own mental island there is a sense of emotions bubbling up. What are the right things for me to be doing at this time in my life? Who is the right person for me? Will I ever marry again? Do I already know who is right for me and are they just under my nose within a waft? And is my terminal delay a result of my own demise? No one can be sure.
My life has always felt like a perpetual waiting game. All of my deepest desires are always less than one mile away. But it feels as if this mile is the longest of my life. I run forever but its like as if I am a rag doll with needles sticking in. As I make my sprint the walls around me are caving in and I'm traveling a gangplank of possibilities. Its short and my legs are long. If I take brief strides will I have more of a chance of a rescue? There is no one here but I to make these decisions. I feel support from behind but is it within my reach? Perhaps the person to save me has all of the faculties to do just that. Perhaps this person's innate talent for rescuing people is just what I need to make the destination. Perhaps the destination is one that I do not have to make on my own but rather one that we can trek together as our talents could potentially run parallel.
My desires aside there are rules to knowing whether or not it is safe to say its okay to know what the right decision is for oneself. I know that I have known mine for 1.6 years. So continue my travels in the right direction; this time open minded and most patient. I know that this typical scenario is atypical. Then again I never resolved myself to be within status quo. However if the shades; whether true or false, intellect and roots are all at the foundation of what can arise then I know the uniting of souls can be strong and solid. Innate.
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